I want pretty...
I started an entry on last Friday but didn't publish it cause it was all over the place. :) Since then I've been surfing the net and reading some really neat Blogs and... I want a pretty blog! One with pretty pictures and colors and an inviting, easy to read layout. And you know what else? I want a pretty house and a pretty figure and a pretty wardrobe. Shoot, I want a pretty life! In my unpublished entry I was exploring the facts of my life and the fact that I have experienced a lot of loss in my 43 years. From my mom's three divorces, my career aspirations, hopes, dreams, miscarriages and burying a parent, a sibling and now a child, my life seems filled with a lot of non-pretty circumstances, alot of loss.
And yet when I take a good long look at life around me I see that loss is everywhere. Natural disasters, crime, accidents, disease, loss is truly everywhere. I hate to sound morbid but everyday here is another day closer to the loss of this life. I was whining to God last week about all my loss. As I was washing dishes and complaining, it was as if God stood right there beside me and said," Sharmayn, I have chosen you to know Me." There is a scripture verse, Philipians 3:10 that says "I want to know Christ..." As I was standing at the sink belly-aching to God, I was reminded of that verse and how years ago I had claimed that verse. The know in this verse doesn't mean to know about. It means to know, as in "Adam knew his wife" (and she conceived). It is a deeply intimate knowing.
There is a dangerous trap in living this life. We can fill it with so much. The creation can be so beautiful, so pretty that we love it more than we love its Creator. Oftentimes it's not until the creation fails us and we've lost the thing ( or things or people or whatever) that we hoped in that we look to the CREATOR. You don't really know the love of God until the love of God is all you have, all you hope in, all you can stand on. Man, have I been there?! And the best part of the story is that God is soooooo faithful!
I am still in the mist (midst) of my loss of Bryant. I can't see clearly at all what step to take next. But I am doing well. I mean I feel so strong in my soul. Some days I just walk thru holding to the Master's hand as He leads me. Because He is ALL KNOWING and the fog means nothing to Him, we walk safely, straight through the day. Other days I need Him to carry me because the sadness makes me so weak. And carry me He does. I tell you HE is SOOOOO FAITHFUL! I'm gonna make it.
I think we've all been chosen to know God. To know that He is good and that He has good plans for us. That He will never leave us, forget about us or forsake us... I want pretty all around me. But more than that I want pretty inside me. At this very moment, my hair needs doing, my Walmart outfit could definitely use an upgrade but I feel WONDERFUL inside. I feel happy and light and full of hope for the future. Deep inside I feel downright pretty!
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed (happy) is the man who takes refuge in Him. Psalm 34:8
And yet when I take a good long look at life around me I see that loss is everywhere. Natural disasters, crime, accidents, disease, loss is truly everywhere. I hate to sound morbid but everyday here is another day closer to the loss of this life. I was whining to God last week about all my loss. As I was washing dishes and complaining, it was as if God stood right there beside me and said," Sharmayn, I have chosen you to know Me." There is a scripture verse, Philipians 3:10 that says "I want to know Christ..." As I was standing at the sink belly-aching to God, I was reminded of that verse and how years ago I had claimed that verse. The know in this verse doesn't mean to know about. It means to know, as in "Adam knew his wife" (and she conceived). It is a deeply intimate knowing.
There is a dangerous trap in living this life. We can fill it with so much. The creation can be so beautiful, so pretty that we love it more than we love its Creator. Oftentimes it's not until the creation fails us and we've lost the thing ( or things or people or whatever) that we hoped in that we look to the CREATOR. You don't really know the love of God until the love of God is all you have, all you hope in, all you can stand on. Man, have I been there?! And the best part of the story is that God is soooooo faithful!
I am still in the mist (midst) of my loss of Bryant. I can't see clearly at all what step to take next. But I am doing well. I mean I feel so strong in my soul. Some days I just walk thru holding to the Master's hand as He leads me. Because He is ALL KNOWING and the fog means nothing to Him, we walk safely, straight through the day. Other days I need Him to carry me because the sadness makes me so weak. And carry me He does. I tell you HE is SOOOOO FAITHFUL! I'm gonna make it.
I think we've all been chosen to know God. To know that He is good and that He has good plans for us. That He will never leave us, forget about us or forsake us... I want pretty all around me. But more than that I want pretty inside me. At this very moment, my hair needs doing, my Walmart outfit could definitely use an upgrade but I feel WONDERFUL inside. I feel happy and light and full of hope for the future. Deep inside I feel downright pretty!
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed (happy) is the man who takes refuge in Him. Psalm 34:8
posted by BigT's Butterfly | 9:25 AM
4 Comments:
Sharmayne, I want pretty also. Your blogs have become an inspiration to me. I feel blessed to have you, Travis, Brenton, Brooke, and Bradley as a part of my family. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and perhaps you can send one up for me.
I love you,
Tameika J.
You visited my blog today and I am so glad you did, because it led me back here. Your story is sad and yet uplifting and full of hope all at the same time. I grieve for you, and thank you so much for sharing what you have been going through. You are so right...you will see your son again. He is no longer in despair but rather, rejoicing in the arms of the Father. I'll definitely be back, and you are in my prayers.
As for pretty blogs...check out either Kristina or Liz on my blogroll..they both do blog designs for people as a gift!! They'll help you for sure.
Peace and grace to you.
Rena
Hello Sharmayne,
I came across your blog while I was exploring mugwumpmom's blog and I was inspired. At this very moment my son and daughter are nagging me to go to the Mall and I am so not in the mood. But even with their nagging I am still so blessed to have them with me. I am so sorry about your loss, as if words could make a difference, but I am truly thankful for the testimony of strength in extreme adversity that I read in your words. I will be praying for you and I will come back by to visit sometime. Stop by my blog anytime you want, I would love to hear from you. Have a blessed day in the Lord. Melissa
I'm not sure how I came across your blog, but I've had it bookmarked and have been 'lurking' for a while. I just wanted to say that you're an excellent writer and inspiring person. I look forward to your next post.
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